I couldn’t figure out why Pregnant in Heels was so dissed by “television journalists” and “bloggers” today, especially after I sung its praises on The Book and monopolized my two personal phone calls today with long descriptions of ways in which my life was changed last night. But I was just being thoughtless. Upon review, here are the first names of those who obviously just can’t see the television for their giant bellies: Meredith (Babble.com), Seth (TV.com), Robert (The Los Angeles Times). Would you accept the judgment of any of these people?
No. You wouldn’t. “Meredith” sounds like “married death,” the only “Seth” to ever make anything of himself is Seth Rogen (and he did that with fart jokes) and “Robert” is obviously just a “Bob,” and no one is to be taken seriously with only two letters in their name.
That’s why self-declared Power Couple Samantha and Mitch ruled out “Bo.” That declaration happened at a task force meeting that “maternity concierge” Rosie Pope has set up so that strangers can debate the name of their third child, a boy. Samantha is a branding expert who feels like she might have blown it on her first two kids, who will obviously amount to nothing. Her husband is New York City’s Entrepreneur of the Year, which is hard when you’re hamstrung with a name like “Mitch.” (This one time? He was talking to Rudy Giuliani? And another politician totally came by and said hi. It was ah-maaaaaazing.) Anyway, they’ve hired Rosie to launch a Presidential exploratory committee for the 2060 race, and the first item on the agenda is naming the candidate. And they’re both the Rahms in the room.
Now just take a minute and try to expose 18 of your teeth to your webcam. And now you know what Samantha’s reaction was to every suggestion made. (That’s not totally true. When the only black man in the room suggested “Miles,” after Miles Davis, she very respectfully said that she appreciated his contribution.)
This is neither here nor there. What you “need” to know (obviously, I use that term loosely) is that they go through a focus group (not to be confused with the task force) and a summit of friends before settling on a name they’d latched onto at the beginning…which just about everyone else hated.
They really could have taken a hand from the other featured couple, who have reluctantly procreated a squishy little ball named Fox. Now, THERE’S a kid who’s going somewhere! It looked for a while like he’d have to do it without any spacial understanding, since his parents insisted that the bright colors of baby toys interfered with their minimalist apartment, but they eventually came around when Rosie discovered for them that you CAN get edgy wall decals for your child’s room if you live in New York City! I can’t say anything mean about these two. I don’t want to say that she’s married to a gay man, so I won’t.
